Sold Your Souls at the Polls

I'll start off getting right to the point. I supported Hillary Clinton. I believe that she was the most qualified candidate by a mile compared to Donald Trump. Years of public service, including 8 years as First Lady, a New York State senator, and Secretary of State. To think that Donald Trump was going to make it to the GOP primaries was laughable. To think Donald Trump was going to win the election, terrifying. And here we are.

I have had many social media arguments over the past year. Many with friends. Many with family, unfortunately. I was/am the only Clinton supporter in my family. Not an easy spot to be in, but I can hold my own. Many a day feeling like I was banging my head against a brick wall. No argument to make for Hillary.
"She's a crook!"
"She's a murderer!"
"She's in bed with Wall Street!"
"She sent emails over an insecure server. Classified secrets!"
"She is responsible for attack on the U.S. Embassy in Benghazi, and the deaths of four American citizens, including Ambassador Stevens!"

Did I say emails? Oh...yes I did. Those were the most important it seems. Nothing Donald Trump says or does, (and he said and did A LOT) would be as bad. Nothing. Make racist statements? Emails, emails, emails! Attacks on immigrants and Muslim or Hispanic citizens? Email, emails, emails! No real plans for healthcare, the economy, or ISIS. Emails, emails, emails! (Pepper a little Benghazi rhetoric in once in awhile) Objectifying women, degrading women who were not a "10," a history of crude talk concerning women, possible rape cases or sexual harassment charges? Emails, EMAils, EMAILS!!! Nope. Nothing is worse than Hillary's email scandal or Benghazi. Never mind that the FBI told congress in July that they found nothing of consequence in the emails, and would not recommend criminal charges. Or that after all the money the Republicans spent on an investigation to find Hillary Clinton responsible for the deaths in the Benghazi embassy, they found nothing to show she was responsible in any way and could have prevented anything. Nope. Sorry, they said. She IS guilty. Doesn't matter what proof or lack of. Guilty guilty guilty.

Meanwhile, Trump continues to make inflammatory statements towards blacks, Muslims, LGBT community, and Hispanics. And nobody speaks out. Nobody can step up to the plate and say, "He's my candidate, but I don't agree with what he's saying about minorities and women." His supporters remain silent. Silence can speak volumes. If you aren't openly disagreeing, then I guess you must agree with the things he's saying?

But he has promised CHANGE. REAL change. He's not a career politician. He will come in and shake things up in Washington. About damn time! We don't care about the statements towards women, or minorities, or the LGBT community. It's about CHANGE. It's about not letting that "crook" Clinton become president. Doesn't matter that she was not convicted or indicted on anything. Even Ambassador Steven's family was vocal about not holding her responsible for the attack and subsequent death of the Ambassador. Didn't matter. CHANGE. Regular guy. Doesn't matter that he's had all these bankruptcies and failed businesses. Or screwed hard working people out of money he owed for services.
Nope. Emails emails emails!!

I have a problem with all of my friends and family that support Trump, never once condemning his words of hate, bigotry, or possible rape and harassment charges. Nope. Emails, emails, emails!! That is a far worse crime. Doesn't matter she was found "careless" but not criminal. Like many of those who had served before her and done the same thing. I was vilified for supporting a "criminal" and a "liar." Yet Trump lied at every turn. Didn't matter. CHANGE. Emails, emails, emails!" Hillary is rigging the election! She does those things. But never mind that if that's the case, why did she lose to Obama? Why did she lose this election? I would think that if she was as powerful and conniving as people say, why does she lose?

So now Trump is going to be president. He has already flip flopped on a couple major promises to supporters. Hillary Clinton will have won the popular vote by a large margin. The people elected Hillary Clinton. The Electoral College elected Trump. People are rioting and protesting. Not condoning it. People are painting nazi emblems and hateful racist terms on buildings, etc. Not a word from Trump or very many that I know support him. People's view of me has been colored by my support of Hillary? I can say the same thing back.

So Trump supporters sold their souls for CHANGE. For a non-politician. No experience. Change will come. Just not the change they want, I believe. Obviously forsaking friends of race, faith, sexual identity, and gender. All for this man who has proven nothing other than the fact that his moral compass is broken. He doesn't even want to live in the White House full time. He wants to be able to golf and stay at his place in New York City or Florida. This is what being president is all about. Hillary Clinton would have gotten it. He apparantly does not. But that's okay. CHANGE. Be careful what you wish for.

The Great Divide

i have never been involved in anything that is as decisive as this presidential election. Friends and family are pitted against each other. Social media has become a battlefield, leaving a ton of scarred and bloody remains. I have had more than my share of verbal cannon fodder, and I am at my wits end. The stress and anxiety is incredibly draining. The prospect of my candidate losing is sickening, and each day, the news wavers between possible victors. It is my belief that Donald Trump is dangerous. Not only is he unqualified to run a country, but his temperament and ideas on foreign policy are scary.

People feel the same about Hillary Clinton. No one on either side will listen to the other. There is much conjecture. My thoughts are that Trump has actually said and done things on tape that cannot be disclaimed. Mocking a disabled reporter: http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2015/11/26/donald-trump-mocks-reporter-with-disability-berman-sot-ac.cnn

Flippant remarks about the use of nuclear weapons: https://thinkprogress.org/9-terrifying-things-donald-trump-has-publicly-said-about-nuclear-weapons-99f6290bc32a#.4cfzs2hid

His remarks concerning women: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a44629/donald-trump-insults-women/

His friendship with the Clintons: http://elitedaily.com/news/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-friends/1619008/

Even more troubling, Russia: http://time.com/4433880/donald-trump-ties-to-russia/

When Obama won in 2008, the Republicans in Congress said that they would have preferred Hillary had won, and that they would have been able to work with her better. But now they are saying that if she wins, they will block her Supreme Court nominations for her term. Look at how they've blocked many of Obama's choices and proposals. If the Democrats don't take back Congress and She wins, same thing. If Trump wins and GOP remains in control, I shudder to think.

I am a registered Republican. Reagan was the last Republican I voted for. My eyes were open to any candidate this year, even given my respect and support for Hillary Clinton. The GOP had NOBODY of any worth presented to us. Ted Cruz was worse than Trump in my opinion. I was happy to see him go. I liked Bernie Sanders alright, but knew that his ideas were not going to be met with resounding support from DNC, and that they were putting their money on Clinton. Right or wrong, that is how it went. Sanders wasn't strong enough to win in their eyes. I wish the GOP had found better candidates. I would have liked to have been challenged. Trump made it easy. He has ignited racism, sexism, and many things that have been long gone in our country. Well, racism has never completely died unfortunately, as is sexism, but the firestorm he is creating is not good. I have too many friends that are affected by this. Friends of different races. LGBTQ friends. Friends who rely on Planned Parenthood. What happens to them? What's the plan for healthcare. You just don't say repeal the ACA without a real plan.

Every day it seems that I get into "it" on social media with people that I consider friends. Even family. I can't understand their supporting Trump, they don't understand my support of Clinton. I don't care. This man is not qualified. Hillary Clinton has been a senator, A first lady, and a Secretary of State, with more air miles logged than many of her predecessors: https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/hillary-clintons-overseas-diplomacy-versus-other-secretaries-of-state/2013/01/08/742f46b2-59f3-11e2-9fa9-5fbdc9530eb9_blog.html

At this point I have little or no respect for Trump supporters. Many are friends, so I'm sorry. I probably don't have much respect from them either. If he wins and there is success, I will be first in line to say I was wrong. I have yet to see or understand what he has shown to prove he should be president. Why? because he is not a "politician?" I'm sorry, but he has had many failures in business and has shown his temperament to be that of a spoiled child. I like what Tom Hanks said. If I needed a root canal, would I go to the guy that says, "I haven't done one before, but I think I could do a good job. So lie down and let me see what I can do." Or you go to the person that has done thousands before and knows what they're doing.

I'm not religious. If so, I would pray awfully hard for Hillary Clinton to win. Right now her odds are at about 88%. I'll take it. Either way, a week from tonight, there will be a new president. Let's hope America makes the right choice.

The Amusement Park We Call Life

     So many times you'll hear that a relationship is like a roller coaster. There's ups and downs. Twists and turns. Scary and fun. I like to look at it like an amusement park.
   
     There are days that are sunny, warm, and bright. All the rides are running. There's the smell of cotton candy, and hot dogs with french fries in the air. Sounds of carnival games, screams from the coaster mixed with music from the carousel. It is usually like this especially in the beginning. Everything is new and exciting. No worries or cares. You're just getting to know each other and every day is like the first time for everything. No fighting or arguing. Don't get me wrong. It can be like this as the relationship has grown, too.
   
     Then you have your days that are cloudy. It looks like it might rain and some of the rides are shut down. The last time you had gone, the weather was perfect and the rides were running with no lines. Now it starts raining and after a short time there's an announcement that the park is closing. The thing about going to amusement parks is, that you can't always count on the weather. What starts out sunny can turn to rain within hours.

     There are going to be sunny times in your relationship. You are both getting along,
No fighting. Romance. Sex. It's all very good. It's important to remember that there will be times when things aren't so good. It's cloudy, rainy, and cold. You need to cover up and do your best to weather the storm, and realize it will pass and then things will return to better days. You're not going to stop going to the park because of one or two bad days there. If you love going, you're going to return. There are always going to be times when the trip to the park is so bad, that you never go back. But remember those fun times when the weathe gets bad or rides close. Don't stop going.

School Days

Here it is already. The Night before the first day of school. Summer, for all intents and purposes, is over. The new sneakers are ready to wear and bags are packed. Heavier than I think mine ever was. There are so many items to get on the new school year lists, that you need a UHaul to carry them from the store.
Then half the stuff never gets used, and its put away until next school year, unless its needed sooner.

I can remember back to the days leading up to the new school year. My mom would take us out to the mall, either Summit Park or Boulevard (the Galleria of its day!), and we would pick out shoes, and clothes. I always had to go to the "Husky" section. My mother would then embarrass me by checking to make sure the "crotchett" was not tight. Fun times. I would wait for that first day so I could be dressed top to bottom with my new duds, capped off with the shoes. Yes, we usually wore shoes and not sneakers. Those were saved for gym. Now, it's sneakers. Are they even referred to as sneakers anymore? What are they? I guess they still are.

We didn't carry the book bags until college. We were self contained until sixth grade, and then in seventh, they tried these hideous plastic briefcases with clear lids and orange bottoms. Wilson peeps, do you remember those? They were not very practical. Schedules and homework wasn't what it is now. At least it didn't seem so.

So now, my kids are getting ready for their first day. New sneakers and t-shirts ready to wear. Supplies packed into book bags. It still takes me back to my first days, and sometimes I wish I was still going.

You Either Stand For Something, or You Sit For...Something?

    The word protest defined:

noun

ˈprōˌtest/

1. 
   

1. 

a statement or action expressing disapproval of or objection to something.

This week, the news has been all over the Colin Kaepernick situation. The San Francisco quarterback has created a stir by sitting through the national anthem before the game. He has been vilified. He has been praised. Mostly vilified. His reasoning is to bring attention to the plight of minorities in this country, AS WELL as veterans who are not receiving the proper health care that they deserve. For those who say he is spitting in the face of veterans, he is more or less saying the veterans themselves are being spit on by the very government they fought and died for. Agree or disagree, you cannot deny the fact that most any day in the news, there is a story about a veteran being denied treatment, or like last week, committing suicide because of the that denial. His protest doesn't involve physical injury or death to anyone. Past protests of different kinds cannot always say that. What he did, and is doing, is offensive to many. How dare he disrespect our country and flag. He takes the money given him without regrets. Why not just do a television spot or donate some of his millions to help his cause? Why? Because that would not draw the attention. Which is truly what a protest is meant to do. Unfortunately, no one is talking about that. Only the fact that he is sitting during the anthem. Which is unfortunate. And sad. But people ARE talking. And isn't that the point of a protest?

I've heard many opinions this week on the radio. Many veterans. Some were against. Many made the point that they fought and died for him to have the right to do what he's doing. People may not like to hear that. Sadly, his protest will most likely be remembered as disrespecting the flag, and not bringing any more attention to the problems that do exist in this country. There will always be racists and bigots. For many, it is handed down for generations like a family heirloom or grandmas' prize quilt. We live in a country where the majority party in Congress vowed to deny Obama anything and make him a one term president. Regardless of what may be best for the country. When our own elected leaders act in this way, how can we believe in change? Many will say this is a liberal thing. Or that I'm just another "libtard", a word which I abhor for a variety of reasons. This isn't a liberal thing. It's a human thing. 

I'm not here to try and agree or disagree with everything he has said or done. Had he been protesting over a hate for our country? He can give back his salary and go. Of course.  Is there a race/religion problem in this country? Yes. Is there a problem on police forces? Yes. But not all. For every "bad" cop, there are a dozen or more honest and hard working officers. Without them we would be in serious trouble. There are times where there is more to the story. Like anything, you either choose to be open minded or closed off. While what he did is considered disrespectful, it was peaceful and he has that right. Given to him by all those who have fought and died for this great country. If I had done the same thing at a Bills game, I might have gotten yelled at. Peanuts thrown at me. Maybe even a beer dumped on me. I can guarantee though, there would be no tv stations waiting to talk to me, or newspapers interviewing me. Kapaernick had the national stage. He used it. Now, I feel that since his point was made, he could begin to stand again for the anthem. Sitting will not make the message heard anymore than it was. I'm sure it's a distraction to his team, which should be taken into consideration. 

So, you can dislike the act. But you shouldn't dislike the message. I have the utmost respect for the men and women of the military. It is because of them I am able to write this and post it without fear. Colin Kapearnick is not a traitor for exercising that same right by peacefully protesting something he feels strongly about. 

An Open Love Letter to My Wife

Let me begin by telling you how much I love you. We've been together eight years and I'm not sure a day has gone by where I haven't told you that. I could of write it in the sky. I could send you a card a day. Flowers every Saturday (cost prohibitive as they are, besides the fact you would kill me). As nice as that all sounds, you don't need that. You know all of that. It's embedded inside you. You know whether I say it or write it, that I love you. I could go a month without saying it and you'd still know.

Loving you is more than words and pretty things or flowers. It's little things. Getting dinner ready while you are still working. Making sure that household chores get done. Help make sure homework is done. Showers are taken. Laundry put away. Not very romantic, I know. But you don't always need romance. The fact that these tasks are off your shoulders breeds romance. That's where my  I love yous mean the most. I vowed to take care of you the day we were married. Taking care of you means taking care of things while you're sick or tired or working. Helping you raise our children. Your boys and my daughter. Being money conscious and aware of our finances. Things that every spouse and partner should be considerate of.

I could tell you how beautiful I think you are, and how attracted to you I am. (Right now the kids would be saying, "Ewww! Gross!). The thing is there are many other things that I love about you.

I love watching scary movies with you and when you scream and jump. 

I love that you continually have ideas about improving the house, even if they seem far fetched. 

I love how you usually have one foot sticking out of the bed in the morning while you're still asleep. 

I love how strong willed you are, even if it doesn't benefit me. 

I love your friendship (words can't even explain)

So my dear, my flowers will be emptying the dishwasher. My box of chocolates will be cooking dinners. My card will be a foot massage when you're tired. Although I can pretty much guarantee that there will still be romantic items from time to time, I will flood you with the romance you really need, and save the mushy stuff when you least expect it. 

Your loving friend and husband, 

Ed

#love

#RelationshipGoals

#marriage

Back When...

I was sitting outside tonight, keeping an eye on the grill, as hot dogs and italian sausage popped and sizzled above the flames. I was listening to my 70's playlist on my iPhone, and I was thinking about a simpler time. At least a simpler time for me. I hear these songs and I can remember and see certain memories. As if I was transported back.

A time that my dad was still with us, and I would be in my room at home, laying on the bottom bunk, listening to the AM radio. That was my iPod. No fancy boombox then. My buddy lived next door, so I had easy access to a playmate. I'd come home from school, go out and play until dinner, and then after helping clean up, it was homework and then just hanging out in my room. Drawing, writing, or even just staring at posters on my walls (Farrah Fawcett in the red swimsuit was my fave) and just listening to music. This was the era of the K-Tel compilation albums. To be played on a record player. Today it's "Now That's (fill-in-the-blank)"

What was there to worry about? Aside from Nuclear War, which still worries me today, what really was there? My dad would tell me that there was nothing I could do, and neither country wanted to kill themselves, so worrying solved nothing. But as an adult, there are so many things to worry about. Marriage, kids, money, mortgages, car payments, insurance, retirement, taxes, death, etc.

Kids today don't see that. They want to be older before they need to. Back then, there were no worries about these things. Our parents took care of them. They had the worries. Like we do now. As a kids, there was no heartbreak gut punch. Love was a distant light in the future. We rode bikes. We didn't sit and stare blankly at a computer screen or a video game console. Atari came along, but it didn't encompass all our time. I love to shoot zombies on my PS4. But when I have some downtime, and I'm not being dad or husband.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I'm married to a wonderful woman, have 3 great kids, and a nice house and a couple dogs. Being grown up has it's perks. There's things you can do as an adult. But it's nice to think back and revisit a time when things were simpler. At least as a kid. I hope my kids will take their time growing up and appreciate the opportunity to only worry about homework, going to school, the occasional chore, and the possible schoolmate worry from time to time. It does go by fast. Too fast it seems. So for now, I'll hit that 70's playlist, take a trip home and see my dad, and take a little break from adulting.

Ed-xactly My Thoughts: Civil War, Minus The Cannons and Rifles

Ed-xactly My Thoughts: Civil War, Minus The Cannons and Rifles:      There was a time when I could not imagine how Americans could go to war with each other. Family against family. Friend against friend. ...

Civil War, Minus The Cannons and Rifles

     There was a time when I could not imagine how Americans could go to war with each other. Family against family. Friend against friend. What would drive us to fight each other? There were differences in philosophy and ideology. The South had a set of principles that the North could not and would not buy into. Passions erupted and lines were drawn, and states prepared to secede from the Union. War broke out. The bloodiest in America's history. Today, there are still those who "remain" with the Confederacy, if in spirit only. These feelings and beliefs have been passed down generations.
     Today, we have another type of civil war brewing. We have two impassioned parties, each with polarizing candidates. My thoughts today are not to establish the right candidate, who whom I will be voting for. Many of you who know me, already know the answer to that, I'm sure. The camps on each side have drawn a line that neither wants to seemingly cross. It is either black or white. No shades of gray. Neither party recognizes any possibility of movement. I have many friends that agree with my views. I also have many friends, and family, that do not. I can honestly say I cannot understand a bit, as to why they would or could support their candidate. And them me. This gets to be quite a heated debate and it has gotten to the point of trying to ignore, or comment and risk alienation or "unfriending," which I have done, by the way. When the hate becomes so vehement and vile, and logic is thrown out the window, I can no longer tolerate or ignore. See ya!
     I can now see how the hate and anger built to volcanic proportions before erupting and becoming the War Between the States. We can only hope that when all is said and done, we can all be "friends" again. I'm sure there will be sore losers, as well as winners. Some will possibly regret their decisions after the president is elected. I hope there is a way past this divide once the election is over, but I can't guarantee if the wrong candidate is elected and those that were on a different side than me had an influence in that. Time will tell. And the time can't come soon enough.  #imwithher  #treasonoustrump #donaldtrump #hillaryclinton #election2016

A Delorean and a Flux Capacitor

     Anyone who has seen Back to the Future will know what I'm talking about. A time machine made with a Delorean car and the Flux Capacitor that powers it and makes it travel. Who hasn't at one time thought of going back in time and either right a wrong, or maybe make a different decision. Choose a different path in life. I'm sure it's crossed your mind. It's crossed mine. A few times maybe.
     There have been moments where I sit back and ask myself, what the hell were you thinking? Life isn't made up of perfect choices. And since none of us are perfect, that would seem to make sense.
     The problem with going back and changing something, even the smallest of choices, could drastically alter your present. Perhaps you don't meet someone, or your children are different, and with a different mother. I know that I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything. So I am content with that choice in my past.
     But I have made poor choices. Many out of anxiety. And since anxiety is one of my issues that I am being treated for, it is unfortunate that I was unable to have the treatment then that I do now. Things were different years ago. There wasn't a plethora of therapists and medications. They were not as normal as they are now. No one would look at you twice if you said you saw a therapist.
     I made decisions based on anxiety. If I was scared or nervous, I either didn't do it or didn't stick with it. I had a homesickness problem. It prevented me from doing and sticking with many things. I was accepted into the Radio and Television Broadcasting program at Ithaca College. My best friend was also going there as a music major. Beautiful campus, stellar program with a good employment potential. Who knows? I could be working for ESPN or NBC Sports today. My best friend was there. What could be the problem? My anxiety. I could not take it. I was unable to function. I was dropped off, moved into my dorm, and I lost it. Fear, anxiety, homesickness, you name it. I hopped on a bus home. My friend tried to talk me down. He didn't like the thought of being left alone there. We had planned this. We were excited. But I couldn't do it. Needless to say my folks were not happy. They couldn't understand it. I had been accepted into the Theatre Studies program at Niagara University as well, and I immediately called and was lucky enough to be allowed in.
     This turned out to be a blessing, because I had a wonderful four years, doing what I loved and met many great friends, some whom I still see today. Now I did not go to New York City, or Los Angeles like many of my peers. Again, anxiety. I felt that I wouldn't be able to hack it for one. I was talented, but not like others that left. They were strong. They were talented. They had the will to succeed. Living far from home was exciting to them. They wanted it. I knew I wouldn't be able to. Sometimes I wish I had tried, but again, I feel that in the end, it was the right choice.
     There were girls that I dated and broke up with. Sometimes I didn't even know why. Maybe I would change something, or try harder, or give it a chance. I don't know.
     They say things happen for a reason. If I hadn't done any of those things, I may not be here today, married to a wonderful woman, living in a nice house, with a great family. I wouldn't want to change that ever. The one thing I can say I would do differently is work to find that job that I love. Or at least something that I enjoyed and made decent money. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. It's not sexy, or high paying, but it's a good environment, and what we do eventually plays a part in Cancer research, which is good. But my wife works very hard at what she does and brings in a healthy paycheck. Mine does contribute, but being able to contribute more would be nice, and would be helpful to her. I write and self-publish books. I continue to hope that maybe something will happen and I'll become a rich and famous author. I guess it would help if I tried a little harder to perhaps find an agent or a publisher that would pay me to have my books published and sold. So if anyone reading this knows somebody?
     I do my best to try and add more to the coffer. I apply almost daily for other jobs that might bring in more money for our family. Being the major breadwinner for our family is hard on my wife many times, and stressful to say the least. She's intelligent, and good at what she does. The people she works with would testify to that.
     Unfortunately, there is no time traveling Delorean. Choices are made, and can rarely be changed unless caught in time. Most of us don't realize until it's too late. Things happen for a reason. My wife believes that we all basically have a book, and it's been written, so what happens to us was supposed to happen. That's why we are where we are today. But I guess if I did have a chance, as long as it didn't change my present, I would have made different career choices, or even worked harder in some of the careers I've had. Unfortunately, anxiety played a major role in just about everything. It's in many cases ruined my life. I'm better now and am getting help that was mostly unavailable to me earlier.
     So my friends, don't sweat over choices you've made. They're done. Over. Fin. All you can do is learn from them and use them as tools for future choices. You are lucky if a poor choice is made that you are able to reflect on. Think about those that made poor decisions that resulted in a loss of life. Perhaps their own. No getting that back or learning from.
     Bottom line for me is, that I am grateful if some of my choices led me to where I am today, and the wonderful wife and best friend I am married to. For her, I would go back and do certain things different. All I can do right now is try to get another opportunity to succeed and take a little load off her shoulders.
     Don't let anxiety run your life. Run is just an "i" short of ruin.

No Vacancy for Complacency

     One of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, and it rears it’s ugly head quite often, is complacency. Webster’s defines complacency as “a feeling of being satisfied with how things are and not wanting to try and make them better.” When you are in a relationship, especially a long term one, it is easy for both sides to become complacent. You know each other. How you act and do things. Taking this for granted becomes the start of this horrible beast. You forget that two working as one, and it’s easy to slide into bad habits you may have had previously. You are not single anymore. It isn’t just you.
    I have been guilty of this myself. Why wouldn’t you? It’s always more attractive to take the easy way. Being complacent is easy. You can also become lazy. In my marriage, my wife has always been the one who "wears the pants" the majority of the time, and I am comfortable enough in my manhood to say I don't mind. She has her ideas on how she wants things, and I’ve always made sure to do my best that she is able to get what she wants. It’s not always possible, but I try. She has done an incredible job raising her sons, and taking care of my daughter as if she were her own. All this while working in a fast paced job that she works from home, and before you say that it’s a sweet deal to work from home, she is still on the phone most of the day, and working hard to make as much money for her employer as she can. Other than the fact that she can work in her pajamas from time to time, it's almost harder than being in an office. She is at "the office" 24/7.
    She has a certain way of doing things and I’ve been with her long enough to know how it works. Many times she will take charge and do things, mostly because she wants it done the way she does it and figures it’s easier to do it herself. She will be the first to admit that this is one of her issues, because it has been one of the things that made it easy for me to fall into the complacency trap. The problem is that this was the perfect excuse for me to sit back and let her do things, taking it for granted that she had it under control. Homework, dinner, showers, medications that had to be doled out at certain times. What I didn’t realize was that it was making her resent me. Her love was being forced deep into hiding and being replaced with anger and resentment. Then, she would be angry and I would apologize and get up and try to help, but the damage was done.
    It was too easy to just sit down after dinner and do whatever. Check my phone, or hop onto the PS4 to shoot some zombies. I’d do the dishes, and help with dinner, but when she still had to work, I was leaving the bulk on her. My job starts and ends at certain times. With her job, she is pretty much on demand all day. She’s even gotten texts after we’ve gone to bed. Now she doesn’t always continue to address these issues all day, but it’s something that is always on her plate. The craziest part about all this complacency is that I want her to be done so we can watch television, or talk, or be able to go upstairs after the kids are in bed so we cuddle and watch HGTV, a favorite part of my day. On occasion, intimacy might come into play, a nice surprise, but nothing that will happen if she’s tired from working while still trying to handle family business. Wouldn’t I want to help as much as possible if it meant having her to myself later? That’s why falling into this trap is such a hell hole. Your brain has trained itself to just let her do it. Telling you, “Don’t worry about it. She’s got it covered. Besides, she wants it done her way anyway.”
    Now, I love my wife very much. Sometimes it takes a real kick in the ass to wake you up. Let’s just say she gave me that kick. I was no longer being looked at as a partner. I was now an anchor. An anchor that could be cut loose. I needed to get my shit together, and fast, or I’d be an anchor slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean, resting on the sandy carpet alone and rusting. My wife deserved a husband that would help her when she needed it. She admits that her ways of doing things caused much of this complacency, but I still needed to step up. It’s not easy to retrain your brain after it has gotten used to thinking a certain way. My wife is worth the work that I need to undertake to turn things around.

    Now complacency can be a two way street. It’s just as easy to do the job yourself without saying anything. The important thing in any relationship is communication. The right kind of communication. You both need to be assertive. Do not confuse this with aggressive. Open and honest, and respectful of each others feelings.
    Don’t be passive aggressive. You bottle your feelings up, and then let petty little actions and fake agreements, cocky smiles or smirks, and overall, just avoiding confrontation and lacking the communication necessary that just might resolve the issue at hand. People that exhibit this personality can be stubborn, fail to accomplish tasks, intentionally make mistakes, always complaining that they are being targeted and feeling they're not being treated fairly. They believe everything is about them and will always have to get in the last word. The “silent treatment” is also a passive aggressive characteristic. Freezing their partner out. Making it nearly impossible to talk and resolve anything until they are ready on their terms.
    Being aggressive, strong actions and harsh and pointed verbal attacks, will almost always end badly, and will do nothing to resolve the conflict. It will only make matters worse.
    So learn to communicate with your partner. If you are truly partners it shouldn’t be too difficult. Talk about things. Open and honestly talk. You’d be surprised what you can both learn about each other, and this will lead to more compromise and resolution, which is what we all want, right?
   

Primaries Done! Move On!

     The last primary wrapped up today, and as it has been reported before, Hillary Clinton will be the democratic nominee for the 2016 Presidential election. Bernie Sanders and many of his supporters have been crying foul for a long time now. He is determined to stay in this campaign and fight until the bitter end. Almost ensuring that Donald Trump will become our next president. Talk about s nightmare. Sanders supporters are rallying behind the "never Hillary" and "I won't vote" or "I'll vote green or independent."
     None of these voting scenarios end with a Sanders presidency. None will end with a Clinton presidency. They do all end in a Trump presidency. The man who stands for EVERYTHING Sanders and his supporters are against. Hillary as well. Do they really think that by choosing to vote this way or not vote at all is making a stand for their candidate?  Well congratulations. You showed 'em. We will now have 4 years of a racist, antagonistic, Sabre rattling, gun toting, misogynistic, and ignorant president. Good job!
     It's probably fairly obvious where I stand and whom I am voting for. We need to come together and hope that our respective candidates will work together and find solutions that will help bring the party together. Again, this is only my opinion.
     But together we stand and with Trump we fall.

Guns or No Guns?

     "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

     This is the Second Amendment. Written shortly after the Revolutionary War. After many people fought and died trying to become free from Britain. Many used their own guns. Mostly Muskets. Just think about its intent for a minute.

     I'm not here to debate whether or not there should be gun control. It's a hot button topic during these times of elections and civil unrest. Mass shootings.
I don't believe that the government, especially this president, is trying to come and take people's guns away. He has said so. But does anyone really need an AK47 to exercise their "right" to bear arms? There are guns available that can kill an intruder just as well as something that fires anywhere from 40 rounds per minute to 600 rounds. Who needs that? Soldiers maybe. I don't think that the founding fathers, if alive today, would agree that it's the right of every gun owner to have these automatic and semi-automatic weapons freely available.
The government just wants to regulate the sales of these, as with other guns. If you have a clear background, no problem. You can buy a gun. Just not any gun.
     "Whoa. Hold on partner. Second Amendment says I should be able to have any type of gun I want."
     I realize that people that would wish harm on others will find a way to get a weapon. But why make it easy to get guns that can kill mass amounts of people in a short period of time? It makes no sense!
     People need to educate themselves. Myself included. But it was never said that guns were going to be taken away. Click on the link below and hear for yourself the president's explanation. I know some will choose to not believe it. Think it's a bunch of BS. Some have already made up their minds. No changing it. But if not, just watch and listen. It is more relevant today after the horrific event in Orlando. Maybe it will make more sense. Again, just my opinion. I am only exercising my First Amendment right.
     

Obama answers gun control question from gun shop owner

The Demon "Insecurity"

    Let me start by saying I am the perfect husband. Attentive, charming, loving, a good catch, lucky to have, and the list could run on for a bit. At least this is what others have said about me, either to my wife, or on social media. And you know what? I may be all of those things, but certainly NOT perfect.
    Within all of these accolades, there lies a hidden truth. A truth buried deeper than the secrets of DaVinci. A truth that is as painful to admit as it is to live. The truth is I am an insufferably insecure and complacent jerk most times. I don’t mean to be, but there are many pieces to the puzzle that make up the mosaic that is my personality, especially in love and relationships.
    I am by no means a doctor, counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, or self-help guru. I am merely a guy, who throughout his life, has had problems dealing with relationship insecurities, anxieties, phobias…well, name it. I’ve had it, I’ve done it, I’ve even had it done to me. What I am attempting to do is hopefully help any person (I’m being politically correct, because it’s not just a man thing) save their relationship before it implodes into a burst of hellfire and eternal damnation. I’m actually attempting to, well not attempting, I am GOING TO save myself of this disaster now before it ends an eight year relationship with a woman who I not only feel is worth it, but is also my wife and best friend. She has always had my love and respect, as well as my “desire,” but also has had my insecurity blanket draped over her from almost day one. And for that, I must make amends and set things right, therefore rebooting myself in the process. Ed 2.0. The Six Million Dollar Man of relationships (without Lee Majors good looks of course).
    I’m hopeful that I can stay on the island and not get voted off, and in the process help others to stave off elimination as well. So take a seat, settle in, grab a cold drink or whatever it is you're into, and take a ride with me.                                                             
    Close your eyes and picture a camping trip. You know, the one where you have your campfire stoked and roaring. Sitting around it, listening to tunes, preferably the Eagles, maybe the Hip, a cold beer in your hand, and the kids in bed. Nothing but the crackling sounds of the fire and the dulcet tones of Don Henley on a dark desert highway, cool wind in his hair. Now, the park ranger comes and begins to throw dirt on the fire, telling you it’s time to put it out. With each shovel of dirt, the flames die a little bit more, until all that’s left are some smoldering embers, barely glowing enough to prove that at one time, a roaring, beautiful blaze once existed.
    The fire needs oxygen. It needs to breathe. Without it, it will suffocate and die. Burn out. Fade away. The dirt smothers it. Kills what was once a powerful beast of an inferno, enjoyed by all who sat around it, comforted by the warmth that once emanated from it.
    Love is the same thing. Like that fire, when fed properly and taken care of, it will burn as bright as a million stars. But when doused with the shovelfuls of insecurity and jealousy, it smothers it and it will die, without possibly leaving any embers left to try and get it blazing again. 
    Love is a wonderful thing. There can never be too much love, right? Actually love is good. Too much, well, not so much. This is when what we’ll call “smothering” love can occur. A partner will pay a lot of attention to their significant other. Showering them with love and affection, maybe little notes here and there, cards, flowers, maybe even that infamous “mixtape” of love songs, but now it’s a CD or an MP3 playlist. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to be treated like that? In the early stages of a relationship, what we call the “honeymoon period,” both parties are infatuated with each other. It’s the beginning sparks of new love. It’s beautiful, invigorating, glorious, scary, and fun all at once. The fire has started to burn.
    Now as the flames creep higher, they eventually even out, and we have a nice little bonfire going. The insecure partner in the relationship will continue to want to fan the flames, trying to achieve the bonfire of all bonfires. They want their partner to join them. Throw some more logs on. Let’s really get this thing blazing. Sometimes the partner will, wanting to but also knowing that it’s what their lover wants. But eventually they get tired of throwing wood in the fire and are satisfied with the flames as they are. It’s a good fire. They are tired of feeding it.
     Being insecure, the insecure partner wants the other to respond in kind. To show them that they too want the fire to rage.
     So yes, I am insecure. I go through moments where I can hardly breathe because I haven't gotten a text back or heard from her. But a little therapy goes a long way (As well as some Lexapro!). I have learned breathing exercises. Relaxation techniques. I have even bought a program that uses hypnosis MP3's to help get rid of anxiety and insecurity issues. It works. The combo of all these things has evened me out. I can say that I have remained fairly cool as of late, and don't really stress like I did. Dannielle is busy. She works all day. Sometimes not even allowing herself a bathroom break. I know this. So not getting a text right away or for long periods of time doesn't bother me. I know she loves me and I don't need a little heart emoji three times a day. And if I get one from out of the blue? The that is even better!
     So insecurity isn't a death sentence. Neither is anxiety. It just takes a little work, maybe some medication, and a dash of willpower.  

Hello world!

Welcome to my new blog! I wanted a way to be able to share some of my thoughts, stories, opinions, and a whatever else may pass through my head. I welcome your thoughts, stories, opinions, and whatever may pass through your head as well! Remember, knowledge is power, so if together we are able to create something that others may find helpful, entertaining, or educational, then I think we are doing the right job. I hope you enjoy whatever it is that I lay down here, and I look forward to sharing life together.